Resolutions of the irresolute

I have never, irresolute fellow that I am, done this before. But I’m all fired up…by dragonfire, no less. And so I’ve made my to-do list for the year.

– I shall do something that I have never done before. Easy-peasy, I’m doing just that.
– I shall indiscriminately use words like indubitably and its cousins. Like dubious, redoubtable and double.
– I shall find new ways of getting a hangover. I made a great start watching The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug a couple of nights back.
– I just might make it a double on resolution #1 above by roasting someone – the director of aforementioned chiefest and foremost calamity that assaulted movie-goers in the recent past. Preferably over dragonfire. Very slowly. At least for 161 minutes.
– I shall acquire class. Everything I do shall be curated. Of course, this is a curated to-do list. Yes, very classy.
– I shall make things simple for myself. I shall, quite simply, procure the smartest phone EVVVVER and download all complexity into that. Hopefully it’ll serve me for 7 and a half weeks after which I shall procure the smartest phone EVVVVER and download all complexity into that… Or, I shall get myself a Raspberry Pi. If you think that is dessert, you’re a has-been, an ignoramus, you’ve fallen through the technology cracks. Indubitably.
– I shall be echo-friendly and repeat myself ad nauseum (refer relevant parts of above resolution).
– I shall travel places in this Year of the Horse. No, not China. Colorado where the grass is now so green and fragrant.
– I shall be eco-friendly and produce plant growth enhancers in abundance. Bullshit, you say. Close enough (refer reference to animal in resolution above). Also, recycle more – refer resolution to be echo-friendly.
– I shall give due credit and constantly urge you to refer. Not reefer, you pothead (refer Colorado above).
– I shall acquire a sense of humour. You’re already cracking up I see.
– I shall be nice. Did you choke mid-laughter? I’ll be nice and send you a flower. A rafflesia arnoldii if I can arrange it. Nice and with a sense of humour, see?

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